ME, Myself and I: Losing Focus

I think this is something that happens to everyone at some point, whether you have a chronic illness or not, when you don’t have a schedule or things you have to do with certain time scales it’s easy to lose focus. I always find I work best with deadlines, whatever it is, even things that aren’t work, like shopping, I find that if I don’t have a focus, something to aim for, I get a bit distracted and can end up coming home with things I don’t need or didn’t plan on getting.

Since having ME most of the time I’ve had some sort of goal, some time scale to aim for. Until this time last year I was pretty much in some form of education or other for most of the time and the breaks between were a few months and pretty much planned in there to have an aimless few months and recover energy and have some kind of social life (not that it was all that successful on the second part most of the time but oh well). Since finishing the degree and now having nothing to aim for I have found my focus disappearing at times. I didn’t even really notice it until recently.

It’s hard to have a focus when you don’t have a job, or in the case of a lot of people with chronic illness simply can’t have a job because of various health issues. When you have a job you have a schedule, something to aim for. Even if you’re self employed there’s an element of less of a schedule so I can see it being hard sometimes to not end up distracted and watching so many videos on YouTube, I tend to find that’s a bit of a time hole sometimes, I’ll wander around the internet, watching different videos and before I know it an hour has disappeared.

I have decided to work on this, though I still don’t have a job with a schedule I am going to try making a timetable. I don’t mean anything too rigid as I know that, until I’m used to doing certain things like the soldering and know how much energy it will actually take it’s a bit pointless saying I’ll spend X amount of time on this as I know that when I don’t achieve it it’s just disheartening and tends to put me off the whole thing. My timetables will be a bit like the goals I set; fluid and changeable as and when I find I can or can’t do things. I’d rather set my goals and timetable a bit lower and then increase what I am doing or decrease the amount or time in the breaks. The timetables will probably be more like a list of things to do in the day and times for breaks and then seeing how they best fit around each other.

One thing that I know is that focussing on things and motivation are pretty much linked, or rather for me they are. Though half the time I’m not sure what motivates me I do know that when I’m not feeling good there are certain things that I find easier to do, or write, than others. Being fairly isolated it’s hard to get motivated or inspired to do much at times so it’s all sort of got to come from within. I guess that’s something that everyone who is limited as to what they can do will find, that there’s more focus on yourself when you’re stuck at home and can’t go out multiple times a week and your only interaction with people then is through the internet or phone. I am hoping that by improving my focus in other areas of my life then motivation will come too, it’s normally the other way round for me in that when I’m more focussed I find motivation a lot easier. I’m not sure if it’ll work but maybe it’ll kick start it.

I’m kind of hoping there’s a knock on effect in that when I get more focussed, and possibly my days more structured, it’ll help my health. I know that my recent health has definitely been affected by changes in medication, coming off one and going onto another totally unrelated one around the same time was probably not the best idea as I have no idea which are side effects and which are just my body coping with the changes.

I will admit that doing this blog has also maybe become a bit less focussed. When I started I didn’t really know what I was going to include, I was pretty sure it would mainly be games and the more geeky things that I bought but then I stopped buying so many and that idea sort of fell to the side when I started writing more beauty reviews. This year, at the beginning, I did have a schedule and to some extent I still have it. I originally had certain days for certain things and there would be the five posts a week but that turned out to be too much quite often so it fell to three posts a week. I still have certain days a week I will post things, like book reviews will always be Thursdays if I post one that week and beauty things will always be Monday and Friday (probably the only two posts a week I have done pretty much every week). It’s like I know what I want the blog to be but actually getting there in reality is something different. I also tend to find that I find it harder to do these ME related posts. I guess it’s part that a lot of the ideas I had I have already done and that I just don’t know if anyone is really interested in them if I did do them. I have a few lined up that I really want to post, I have one that I’ve been starting and restarting for nearly two years now so that one will finally see the light of day, or the internet, some time soon when I am actually confident enough in it and that it’s worded right.

I realise I haven’t really done many ME related posts recently, or more general blog posts, and this one has become less ME related than I originally planned. I think I might have to do another one in the future that’s a bit more focussed itself as I’m sure there were more things I wanted to say but brain fog and this fun cold that’s making my head feel like it’s full of cotton wool is not really helping me. It also seems to have grown more than I meant it to so I’ll stop here so it’s not a massive wall of text. Maybe I should work on these posts becoming more focussed. I know my blog posts in general are fairly long compared to some people’s, especially when it comes to my reviews, but I find it hard to keep things short and say everything I want to. Maybe I should work on that too.

Anyway, it’s finally feeling like autumn, I’m sat here with my fluffy jumped and a hot mug of coffee while it’s raining outside, and I do love this time of year. I hope you’re all having a good week and that you’re as well as possible.

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